There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
