I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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