How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
