I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
