He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
did you just send me my own nude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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