why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
