i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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