she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My ass is underappreciated
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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