You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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