smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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