He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
