Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
