You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
