I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
