Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
