I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
