dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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