i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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