Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
