on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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