I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
