The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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