The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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