Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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