I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize