Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My balls are so social today.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
