I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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