maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
