i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
