If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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