i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
