Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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