i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
