I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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