I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
