i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
