I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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