It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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