smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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