I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
