I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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