Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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