i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
