youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
