..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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