Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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