So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
