Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Welp...herpes.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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