I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
