i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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