i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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