my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
