ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
