check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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