I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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