Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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