literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
