i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize