i jhust puked up my retainher.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
