Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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