also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
