He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
third nipple confirmed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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