woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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