Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
