I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
