we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
