he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
