:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
