dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
