And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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