I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
