she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
