Do you still have your period?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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