I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
